Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
