I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
