I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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