Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Randomize
