umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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