sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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