I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
