i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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