I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
