I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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