i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
