In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
