So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
