Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
