the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
