suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
