he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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