turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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