Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
