i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
