I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
