My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
