I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
