the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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