i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
