Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
