remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
