how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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