wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
