all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
