I'm jealous of your bromance
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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