I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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