Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
