One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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