I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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