i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
