one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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