I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
