What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
