Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
