my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize