best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My vagina just clenched in fear
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
