I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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