ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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