All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize