YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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