Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
