I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
