Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
