So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
