I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
