my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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