i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
