best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You made out with two different species that night
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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