I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize