Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
