i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
