Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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