I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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