sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
