At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
