Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
