I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
