i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
