It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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