drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize