I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
