They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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