I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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