Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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