Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
two words...techno handjob
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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