I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
