so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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